Wonderland Photoshoot & Why I've Stopped Blogging About My Cosplay Outfits

Sunday Cast & Photographers
Photography: Kimberly Marshall 

In May I participated in a photoshoot. Something I haven't done since I was in junior/senior high. It was a spur of the moment thing and since I cosplay at conventions, I thought I'd give it a shot. 

My sister-in-law and her photoshoot group plan out these great shoots a few times a year with really cool themes. She had called me up and asked me to be their Hatter for the last day of the Wonderland shoot as their original Hatter couldn't make it. Everyone looked great and there were some really awesome shots between the two days that they got together. 

Alice & Mad Hatter
Models: Catrina & Amanda (myself)
Photography: Kimberly Marshall

The photo above has to be my favorite shot from the entire day. It took a few tries to really get it right, but I think it turned out great. Of course, in every single photo you can see I suffer from RBF (Resting B**ch Face). I swear I was having a decent time, I was just tired and having a bit of anxiety. See, I don't normally talk about this on my blog because it doesn't really belong here, but I've been cyber bullied, harassed and stalked by the same woman for almost two years. Enough that going out in public gives me anxiety attacks because I know she has spread all kinds of things about me and I've even been harassed in public by total strangers because of it. 

Corset and skirt: Damsel in this Dress
Not too shabby considering I pulled all this out of my closet at the last minute!

So, I tried to have fun and interact with others, but in the back of my mind, all I could think about was how any number of these people around me could have been a friend or follower of my bully and her fan page.

Photograph: Kimberly Marshall

At the time of the photoshoot, I had disabled my Facebook account to try and escape this woman's tormenting. I found a new admin for The Mom Next Door Facebook page, someone I knew I could trust, and wanted to just disappear with hopes that it would end the craziness. It didn't. My bully made a fake profile, went onto the post explaining to all of my fans that I was no longer on Facebook because of the bullying, and continued to spew lies posing under a fake name. The profile was immediately deleted once someone responded to it. 

There obviously was no escape and the bullying got worse. As the days went on after the shoot, and photos started appearing online of me as The Hatter, my bully took to her Facebook page to call me a freak and posted a photo of a model wearing the same jacket I had in my shoot along side a photo of Johnny Depp's version of Hatter claiming that the model is what I thought I looked like, but what I really looked like was Johnny Depp's crazy character. Basically, she was calling me ugly, which was nothing new as she's made fun of my looks as well as my weight on a ton of occasions. 

I literally became sick to my stomach. Clearly there was no end. While I had been excited for the next photoshoot, which was Pin-Up themed, as the days got closer to it, I decide to bail on the photoshoot. My anxiety level was just way too high and I felt beat down and defeated. Did I really want my bully to have more ammunition against me? She's used my photos on her page multiple times and has included my town name, family member's full names, and my full name with so many lies, I didn't want to find out what else she was going to come up with.

I recently thought she was done with her shenanigans, as the person who was really behind everything she accused me of was finally charged with harassment and she started editing out my name from things. I was wrong. Despite the fact that she now knows she wrongfully bullied me, and her fans know she wrongfully bullied me (after claiming to be an advocate against bullying this entire time... imagine that), she took to her Facebook page again in the last few days, once again making fun of me "dressing up". 

Photograph: Figment: Costuming & Jewelry

Because of this, I've been very hesitant on posting any of my cosplay outfits, any photos of me in said outfit, and any information about the conventions I've visited. 

I want to be able to share these things with you guys, because it's a huge part of my life and who I am, but being viciously attacked every day, by a grown woman whom I do not even know personally, makes it hard for me to do. 

I had considered explaining my entire story, but I don't think I need to. The shortened version of it is that bullying has hindered me from doing a lot of the things I love, which is why my random posts that everyone loves so much don't happen anymore. 

I do want to share with you guys the most recent convention I went to and the one that I have coming up next month, but I would be lying if I said I wasn't a little scared about it after everything that's happened. 

I know so many of you support me in everything, and I love each and every one of you, so just hang with me while I try and gain my confidence back after all the abuse I've been through. 

You can check out more photos from this photoshoot, and many others at DuBois Area Fantasy Photoshoot